One Hundred Things...

1. 1. I am 44 years old. This never fails to astonish me.
2. My sons are two of my most favorite people in the world--funny, bright, kind, goofy, and interesting people.
3. Not that I am partial or anything.
4. But I would like to know them even if they weren’t my kids.
5. They are 15 and 21.
6. I like teenagers better than babies.
7. Don’t ask me to hold your baby. Because I won’t. But I loved holding my own.
8. I have two greyhounds. They are great dogs and very goofy.
9. My youngest son also has a dog—a beagle/lab mix.
10. She is the world’s most stubborn animal. We love her anyway.
11. We have one cat. At various times, we’ve had hamsters, lizards, cats, and other dogs. They lived here until they died of old age. Except for the fish. They died exactly 12 hours after the 48-hour warranty was up.
12. I have three part-time jobs: college instructor, newspaper columnist, and consultant.
13. I like each one of them for different reasons.
14. Even though I have three jobs, I still don’t make any money.
15. I have a B.A. and a M.A. in English. (Hence the no money part.)
16. I am thinking about going back to school and getting another degree. In a different field.
17. I only drink five things: tea, water, diet coke, grapefruit juice, and, rarely, orange juice.
18. I am, however, thinking about taking up drinking.
19. I hate beer and am not too fond of wine, so it is going to have to be hard liquor.
20. Sometimes, I swear I eat like a 5-year old: a short list of acceptable things, prepared in a certain way, and only that way.
21. I am, however, a very good cook. If you ate at my house, you would want seconds. I make everything from scratch.
22. I have a certificate in baking from a professional school. I was the only amateur in the class.
23. I started baking when I was 5. When my parents divorced, I ended up doing a lot of cooking. It turned out to be good practice.
24. When I cook dinner, I make homemade bread or rolls, a salad, three or four vegetables, and an entrée.
25. It is hard to keep up with that. We eat out often.
26. I drive a mini-van.
27. My kids say it is a waste of driving ability.
28. They spend a lot of time debating what kind of car they think I should drive.
29. I can take a corner so that the change in the holder on the dashboard slides up and out, across the dash, and lands in the pocket on the side of the door. My kids give me points for this.
30. Every day, my inner teenage boy comes out just a little more.
31. I am going to be dangerous any day now.
32. My extended family is complicated, messy, and often annoying. But we get along okay.
33. I was raised with two younger brothers: one full brother and one half brother.
34. I also have a stepsister, a stepbrother, and two half sisters.
35. I don’t have much in common with any of my siblings.
36. Since I was raised with brothers and have sons, much of the whole girl thing escapes me.
37. I cannot put on makeup. This is okay by me.
38. I live in New Hampshire.
39. I was born here.
40. I actually like winter.
41. I own cross-country skis, downhill skis, snowshoes, and ice skates.
42. I also have my own lacrosse stick, tennis racquet, street hockey stick, baseball mitt, catcher’s gear, and bike. But I am not a jock.
43. I have the catcher’s gear because I used to catch for my son when he practiced pitching. I was afraid I would get hit in the face.
44. He stopped playing baseball after a year of being tormented by a coach from another team.
45. In the only confrontation of my adult life, I cornered the guy in a parking lot and read him the riot act. I told him that anyone who trash talked kids was a miserable excuse for a human being and he should be ashamed of himself.
46. I hate that man with a passion and will never, ever forgive him.
47. It takes a lot to get me mad, but when I do, I hold a grudge.
48. When I was growing up, I played on a softball team for two years. I played right field…badly. I shared the position with the coach’s daughter. She cried every single game.
49. In high school, I ran track: the mile, half-mile and two-mile.
50. I have lived in the same house for 22 years now.
51. I lived in 6 or 7 different places as a kid. But all in the same state.
52. I started reading when I was 2 ½.
53. I don’t remember not reading or writing.
54. I have written 4 novels. But haven’t edited any of them yet. I may not.
55. I once worked on an archeological dig as a volunteer.
56. I have worked on a farm, in a shoe store, an ice cream shop, a flamenco ballet company (in the office), a computer company, a college, and a newspaper. I have worked in accounting, marketing, sales, as a writer, a consultant, a secretary, and as a college instructor.
57. Both of my boys were premature babies.
58. I often joke that I am just more efficient than most women.
59. I’m not, but after 5 pregnancies, secondary infertility, 3 miscarriages, and two preemies, a little joking makes me feel better.
60. The upside is that I have never taken my kids for granted. I know I am lucky to have them.
61. I stayed home with them for 13 years.
62. I am not a PTA type mom; although I was vice-president for two years and president for a year.
63. I hated every second of it.
64. Last February, my sons dared to take up the electric bass. So I did.
65. I had never played an instrument before and couldn’t even read music.
66. My music teacher spends a lot of time shaking his head. I like him anyway.
67. I rarely watch television and don’t have cable or an antenna.
68. We only get one local channel.
69. My students just cannot get past that fact.
70. When I am driving, I swear like a sailor.
71. In order to break the habit, every time I do, I pay my younger son a dollar.
    It is quite profitable for him.
72. I am married. But I probably won’t write about my husband much.
73. He has been having a midlife crisis for about the last decade or so.
74. No woman should have to put up with teens and a husband with a midlife crisis.
75. I roll my eyes a lot.
76. But I have learned to bite my tongue.
77. In spite of teaching college writing, I am not too anal about grammar or punctuation.
78. I like to make up words and when students ask me if something is a word, I tell them that it should be.
79. They laugh.
80. I am not too fond of cleaning. It just has to be done again.
81. I am not really very patient even though people usually think I am.
82. I hate stupidity.
83. Don’t ask me a question if you don’t want the answer.
84. I am very pragmatic, extraordinarily analytical, and stubborn.
85. I am comfortable with that.
86. I am not a girly girl. No makeup, high heels, or fingernail polish.
87. I love to get up before anyone else and enjoy a cup of tea in the quiet.
88. I like to get 8 hours of sleep every night. That means I have to go to bed at a ridiculously early hour when I am working.
89. I almost never sleep any more than that.
90. I can take care of most small household repairs.
91. I wait until my husband leaves town to do them. Otherwise he feels like he has to help. Then he complains and makes a big deal out of it.
92. I hate that. I’d rather do it myself.
93. I almost never cry, but I laugh often.
94. One of my grandmothers lived to be 97. My other grandmother is still alive. I expect to have a long life. I am not sure this is a good thing.
95. My kids got me used to alternative rock. It is all I listen to now.
96. My youngest son likes to turn the bass way up on the car stereo and then watch the other drivers’ faces when they see a middle-aged woman driving. I let him.
97. When I was in grade school, I hated it. I was basically invisible there.
98. I hated middle school too, but doesn’t everyone?
99. My parents should never have married. But when my mother got pregnant with me, they did. I spent much of my childhood feeling guilty about that.
100. One hundred things is, at the same time, both too long and too short!